So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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