Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
FUCK WHALES
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
