someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
