I heard we made out
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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