i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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