You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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