That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
