i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
