i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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