Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
