Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
