I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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