I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
