Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
