Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
