yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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