well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
