Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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