He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
