I wish I could teleport
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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