sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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