Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
