hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
