I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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