Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
