Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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