here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
