Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
