Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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