So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
