Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
