is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
