No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
