i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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