i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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