She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love having hate sex.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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