Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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