How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My penis needs a shock collar
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
