Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
