His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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