another moral hangover. fuck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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