we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
