now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
