I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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