Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's just like the Real World with babies
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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