I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
