she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
