I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
