a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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