You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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