Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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