My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
