So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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