If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
