She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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