There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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