Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
