Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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