We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
did i just pee glitter
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
