I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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