It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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