hell yes lets make some ravioli
its not stalking. its research.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
