Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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