Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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