i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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