i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
