He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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