I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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