do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
