Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
