Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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