I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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