just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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