omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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