Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
