My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
