this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
