I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
