Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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