if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
