I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
