...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.