I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work