i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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