Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here