I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.