I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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